I find myself looking at the mirror.

it hurts so bad.
the feeling of unwantedness.
to know he doesnt want me.
to know that he doesnt love
me in the same ways
that i love him.
it just hurts so much.
the pain inside,
seeping slowly into each
chamber of your
breaking heart,
it slowly killing me and
no one sees it.
the tears forming in
my red eyes.
the pain i feel...
it stays in but only
some care to really look.
the pain i feel inside,
its tearing me apart
and he doesnt even realize it.
im unwanted by him.
unloved.
he makes me feel so good,
so special,
so fuckin happy....
but hes ripping out my insides.
he tore my heart out.
broke it.
he makes me cry,
puts me down.
he makes me so sad,
ive never been as sad in
my life when he does.
and when i cry...
its not simple tears of
ill get over it.
it thousands of tears of pure hurting pain.
pain that hurts so much,
youre entirely too ready to end it yourself.
id be so glad,
so happy,
so very greatful
to die in my sleep.
to be shot right in front
of you.
let you see what youve
done to me.
let you feel
what the hell it feels like
to be lost.
to lose something you love.
haha,or would you even care?
you made me feel unwanted,
iwant you to feel it.
i feel as if ive lost you,
i want you to feel what
its like to really lose me....
and for me to never come back.
because when im with you,
your mind is somewhere
other than with me.
its on some one,
something,anything but me.
youre so far from me,
i cant reach you anymore
your too lost in yourself
to even fucking care.
your lost beyond reach..
my reach
but yet i still try and try and try.
its so hard to please you.
its hard to feel anything with you.
its so fucking hard
to reach you.
its like youre off on
a different place.
another world.
i just know its not
down here with me.
it never is,
never was.
i dont know if you want me.
you dont show it.
and it sure as hell doesnt feel like you want me.

as i told her goodnight the concert started
i was playing the bass guitar 
ther was a couple houndered people 
but i could only think wat i,
was going to do 
was i going to say good bye forever 
or keep going with out knowing , 
if she was realy home alone 
or if somone was ther with her
how would i ever know ....
thats the thing 
i never will 

i wake up,eat,and take a shower like usaul. i headid to town center to go hang out with my friends... when i went home my girl friend started bitchen at me about me not talkin or even invite her to hang out with me .i asked her to go with me the next day and she said that she was goin to the beach with her "best friend" derrick and then i asked about the day after that . she said she is goin to a concert with derrick. i asked her who was derrick . she said it was her 'gay' best friend. so i asked my good friend tayler to tell me who the hell this derrick guy is , she tells me he is this guy who is apperintly straiter than an aarow and hes a total player . i got pissed and now im prolly going to break up with her tomaro . then again she cheated on me once before so ......i dont kno wat to do now exept type

It's hard to think about the past loves you used to have,still knowing that you still feel the same about them.How could i have been to fall so deep and fast? there's a wall up,and it takes alot for somebody to break it down. But then i met him,the way he looked at me the first time broke the wall.He didn't even try,i was helpless.All the sweet things he had said to me,made me fall even faster and even harder.I think i loved him from the first time i ever saw him,kinda like love at first sight.I promised myself i would get to attached but i obviously broke that promise.It's been almost a year since i last talked to him,until the other day.He called me off of my friends phone,and suddenly all those feelings came back for him,i keep replaying the amazing moments me and him had together.I remember one thing,me and him was sitting on my couch and i remember me asking him why his heart was beating so fast,and he said because i'm so close to you. And at that very moment i fell hard.I loved him more then i could ever love myself.I have moved on since then,my boyfriend now is amazing and i love him,but i don't think i will ever love someone as much as i loved my first real love. And he broke me down to the core,he may not have noticed it but oh boy he did.I always wanted to tell him all this stuff. But that wall is back up again,higher then it ever has been.I tried to block myself from pain,but the way he talked to me made me think that he would never hurt me.,& the way he broke it off was worse. Not talking to me,ignoring my calls.He kinda just threw me off to the curb to go destroy some other helpless girl.Well i hope she is smarter then i was.

ive known her my whole life.
shes always been so loyal
and i dont deserve her.
she is my sister,
and if anything happened to her
id go balistic.
i dont want to hear about her getting hurt by him.
but im glad shes tells me.
the only thing i want
is for her to be happy and safe.
i hate when she says
she wants to kill herself
or that she wants to die
or she wants to cut herself.
because shes my sister.
and i dont want to hear her talk like that.
i know it gets hard
and people arent always be there.
i know i wont always be there,
and i wish i didnt have to say that.
but i hope she knows
that i will always be right beside her.
to catch her if she falls,
to help her pull through tought times.
even if the situation is dangerous,
id be williong to risk my life for hers.
because thats what sisters do.
i dont care if i get hurt or killed,
as long as shes okay,
then thats all that matters to me.
i know shed disagree with this,
but its all true.
every single word that is typed
on this screen.
she salways going to be important to me,
whether she knows this or not.
i hope she reads this.
that way she knows
how very much she means to me.
she will always be my sister.

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Love Lost Forever.

Once upon a time
in a life that used to be
Happiness and hope
in a loving family ~
A haven from the world
in a mother's embrace
A home that's made of love
made it a special place.

Once upon a time
her fondest memory
Of the birds outside her window
singing happily ~
The stillness in the air
of the early morn
As she waited for the sun
to rise at the break of dawn.

Once upon a time
when daddy used to say
That she would be his little girl
forever and a day ~
A time when she was happiest
for all the world to see
Upon her daddy's shoulders,
where she would always be.

Once upon a time
when she woke in sweats
Screaming at the nighmare
she would just forget ~
The scraping at the window
or the tap on the door
She could never remember
what she hated night time for.

Once upon a time
she was just a little girl
When the image of her dreams
had shattered her world ~
She didn't understand
she never tried to see
What secrets had been repressed
in her memory.

Once upon a time
she walked in the door
And remembered what she hated
the dreaded nighttime for ~
The image of her nightmares
in her little sister's bed
She was now his little girl
as she heard the things he said.

Once upon a time
when she stood at the door
She saw it in slow motion
and blood on the floor ~
With the gun in her hand
and her daddy on the floor
She embraced her little sister,
he would hurt her no more.

Once upon a time
the house that stands alone
Used to be the place
that was once her home ~
Where once a happy family
that was torn apart
Had died with their secret
that's buried in the past

i feel much empty when i was alone peru ng may nameet akong person na diko inaasahang magiging part ng life ko biglang nabago,happy ako because of him,he complete me as who i am and he cares me as a woman he love me much and i can say na sya na nga,nangako sya sakin na magpapakasal kami one time at bubuo ng masayang pamilya at syempre natuwa ako kasi at that age naiisip na nya about dun he is 24 and i am only 20 peru masaya ako ng nakilala at dumating sya sa buhay ko i really loved him :-( the problem is he decided to work i have trust on him peru natatakot parin ako natatakot ako once na nagwork sya madaming magbabago at madaming magiiba naiintindihan ko nmn dahil reason nya need nyang magipon for the future peru natatakot tlga ako dahil baka dahil sa pagwork nya dun mabago lahat,lahat ng care,love, trust  dami syang makakasalamuha that time dami kong naiisip puro negative diba dapat i need to trust on him and need to support him on his plan peru why? diko ata kaya natatakot ako diko alam gagawin ko if papayagan ko ba sya ngayon or need na muna naming mgkaroon ng panghahawakan para kami na nga bang tlga why is this happen :-(  help me to decide :( please...reply :( i need your help :(

the way he looked at me turned my soul around. the way he touched me made me want to be touched more. but is that wrong? is that wrong to want to be touched? maybe when your this young. its turning me into something i promise not to be. someone who desires these type of feelings. those people who only want to be touched so that there body feels brand new. i feel brand new. maybe more mature. just maybe. but now that i felt what other people have felt i want it more. i want to do it more. anybody can do this to me. there is no special person i just want. i just want to be touched how he touched me. i wonder if it was a lie. a lie when he said the love word. a lie when he said he'd be around. i havent heard his voice in so long. maybe thats why i want to be touched. by anyone. by anything. it will make me happy. maybe he can make me feel happy again. but he wont answer me. he wont call me back. i made a mistake by touching something that belongs to my mother. am i this sick? my step dad asked me to. i never thought it was wrong. he said it would make him love me more. maybe im confused by that word. to many people tell me it. do i belive it? did i believe it when he told me he loved me? i guess i did because i did it. but i did it for my needs. i wanted to be touched how she was touched. it makes me feel so good. it makes my body feel wanted. im lusting for this. i desire it. i cant stop. no one will stop me. i dont need love to be touched again. i just need to find someone who will do it with me. i cant by myself. or maybe i can. but its better when someone else is wanting to touch me. i need it. im lusting. lusting hard. harder. the hardest. ive wanted this for so long. now its up to me to find someone... soon i will write back to tell you who i found. wait for the next story. just wait....

I' ve waited you just to ask your forgiveness . Time had passed and still cant forget what ive done to you, Even though im in a relationship right now still hungers your forgiveness. Imagining things that might calm to  my senses ,All i need is just a simple assurance of not forgetting our past. And Now suddenly to my surprise you came out of nowhere...why?of all those years...why so sudden!. Finally we've meet up again,  but your a totally stranger, no signs of being my past. Oh how is wish i didn't ask for this, how i wish we didn't meet up, how i wish we didn't talk, how i wish is just a dream.. if i could just erase you from my treasure box..

Have you ever been in love with another guy eventhough you're still in a relationship?? Have you ever experienced this complicated situation? Have you ever felt this kind of pain?

Dear Love,

I remember the day you left for her.
There I was,out there in the cold,harsh winter all by myself.
I watched as your car pulled out of the driveway,
off into the white blanketed shadow and disappear.
I remember the fight we had the night before that.
How I yelled and screamed at you,
while you begged me to forgive you.
Saying that that girl meant nothing,
it was just a mistake.
How you felt sorry for her,
but you'll never do it again.
How can I be sure of this?
So far,everything you've told me was a lie.
That's when I told you you had to leave.
I didn't want to see your face,
I didn't want to sleep beside you,
I didn't want you to hold me.
And now,watching as you drive away,
I know I still love you.
But she can have you,
and she can be betrayed by you like I was.
Because you are someone who cannot be trusted.
No matter how many times you promise,
or say you'll never make that mistake again,
or say you want a second chance,
then a third chance...
That day you left,
I completely broke down.
I opened up for you all those times.
You built me up and tore me down,
over and over and over......
I remember the day you left for her,
and I don't give a damn if you love her more.
She's your bitch now,to control.
Do whatever the fuck you want with her...
Just know that I'll always remember the day
you left for her.

I fall,you bleed,it's always the same old story.I don't want your heart,I don't want your soul,I want your love.I don't want what you know you can't give.I don't want promises you know you can't keep.I don't want tears you know mean nothing.I don't want your sympathy,I don't want your pity,I want honesty.Why can't you give me the things that matter most instead of all the bullshity stuff you think I want to hear?Why don't you try to get to know me better instead of just guessing everything about me?Maybe I'm just asking for something I know is too much for you to do or give.I think...I think it's time we called this off.Because,as obvious as it seems,things are just getting worse with each second.I don't want this anymore.

I met a boy when I was 16. I thought he was my world, my everything. Actually I didn't think, he really was my world and my everything. I was young and vulnerable and searching for something without even realizing it. I thought I was searching for him, and my heart told me that he was searching for me. I had my heart and my head set on him being my one and only forever, and I usually get what I want. That boy and I spent the next eleven years of our lives together, off and on. We got married and had children and attempted to build a life for ourselves as a family of new. What it took me entirely too long to realize is that as we grew up and matured, we grew away from each other. We still had the same taste in movies and music, but we had different morals, values, attitudes, and plans for the future. When I realized this, I tried everything I could to change myself to be what my marriage needed me to be, but instead I became depressed and confused and unhappy. The closer we tried to be, the further apart we became. A person that was my best friend quickly became a complete stranger. Things that were silently disliked but tolerated between the two of us were all of a sudden front and center and being screamed at the tops of our lungs at each other. Respect, love and trust were all thrown out of the window, and all I began to feel was depressed. Overnight the anxiety and depression took over and I knew that I should have walked away. Instead, we both just walked through life like zombies pretending that we didn't know what was going on. I don't know if we just didn't want to face what we knew was coming, or if we just didn't know how to handle the situation. All I know is what we were doing did nothing to resolve the issues, and the situation became volatile. I blinked and my life was a complete and utter mess. Some of the mess could have been avoided, and some was completely unavoidable. Avoidable or not, my life was in shambles all around me...

I feel

I had a girlfriend she was nice and thoughtful when i first saw her but that all change when i knew the truth about her i love her so much that my life revolve around her  she would make me smile on daily basis and we would say i love you to each other every day  it mess me up when i found out the truth about her

It began when i woke up in his room, in his bed, inside his silk sheets, wearing a pair of his boxers and the shirt he had worn last night. He wasn't in the bed, or even in the room, and as i sat up, all i saw was a note on his nightstand.