I am not angry with U. From what U say it looks like that you feel that you would have been happier with somebody else. As you know, we don't have to be together if U don't feel like it. As I told U I am with U because I love U. But when U feel that life could have been better with somebody else, I dont want to be in the middle. If you feel that you can find happiness with somebody else, please go ahead. You are not too late. You can still find the happiness that you cannot find with me or him.
BEGiNNiNG OF SOPHMORE YEAR iN HiGH SCHOOL, i NOTiCED THiS GUY THAT ALWAYS HUNG OUT WiTH MY YOUNGER BROTHER...i THOUGHT HE WAS CUTE.. i TOLD MY BROTHER THAT i HAD A LiTTLE CRUSH ON THE GUY AND ALL HE TOLD ME WAS, "NO iTS MY FRiEND, iTS NOT GOiNG TO WORK." i TOOK THE ADVICE AND WENT MY OWN WAY FOR AWHiLE...i ENDED UP iN A RELATiONSHiP THAT DiDNT LAST VERY LONG...AFTER ME AND THAT GUY BROKE UP i STAYED SiNGLE BECAUSE iT WAS THE END OF THE YEAR AND THERE WAS NO POiNT iN ANY GUY FALLiNG iN LOVE WiTH ME... SO, i STARTED HANGiNG OUT WiTH MY BROTHER AND HiS FRiENDS BECAUSE THEY WERE MORE LiKE ME THAN MY OWN FRiENDS... i CAUGHT MYSELF TALKiNG TO THE GUY i LiKED iN THE BEGiNNiNG... HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD A GiRLFRiEND OF THREE YEARS, ALL i SAiD WAS WELL iM NOT LOOKiNG FOR A BOYFRiEND...SO WE STARTED HANGiNG OUT AND TALKiNG ALOT...ONE DAY iN SCHOOL WE WERE LAYiNG DOWN OUTSiDE AND HE HAD HiS HEAD ON MY STOMACH AND HE SAiD i FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND YOU... HE TOLD ME TO LiSTEN TO THiS SONG [[ BLUE OCTOBER- 18TH FLOOR BALCONY]] WHEN WE WERE LAYiNG DOWN... i WAS LiSTENiNG TO THE TRUE MEANiNG OF THE SONG AND i DiDNT THiNK NOTHiNG OF iT BECAUSE HE MADE SURE HE DiDNT WANT NOTHiNG MORE THAN A FRiENDSHiP... AFTER THAT DAY i FELT HiM ATTACHED TO ME BUT i DiDNT SAY ANYTHiNG BECAUSE WE WERE JUST FRiENDS...AS FAR AS i KNEW... OUR SCHOOL TOOK US TO A PARK AND i WAS WiTH MY GRADE OF FRiENDS WHEN i NOTiCED HiM LOOKiNG FOR ME... i WENT TO HiM AND WE STARTED TO WALK AROUND THE PARK TOGETHER PLAYiNG WATER GUN FiGHT... i LAYED DOWN iN THE GRASS AND HE LAYED ON MY STOMACH AGAiN... i PUT MY HAND ON HiS CHEST AND HE LOOKED AT ME N SMiLED AND PUT HiS HAND OVER MiNE... WE STAYED THAT WAY UNTiL iT WAS TiME TO GO... ON OUR WAY BACK TO SCHOOL HE TOLD ME THAT ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL HE'S GOiNG TO KiSS A SPECiAL GiRL... i DiDNT THiNK NOTHiNG OF iT AND ASKED HiM WHO BUT HE WOULDNT TELL ME... THE NEXT DAY WAS OUR LAST DAY TOGETHER... i WAS LAYiNG DOWN iN CLASS ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE WE WERE ALLOWED TO DO WATEVER... HE CAME AND SAT NEXT TO ME AND LOOKED AWAY AND LOOKED BACK AT ME AND KiSSED ME... i WAS iN SHOCK...MY TEACHER CAME AND GOT ME OUT OF CLASS BECAUSE HE OWED ME AND SOME OF THE UPPER CLASS MEN TAKE OUT SiNCE WE PASSED THE TAKS TEST... SO i WENT AND i TOLD MY FRiEND JENNiFER THAT HE KiSSED ME [[SHE WAS HELPiNG ME ALONG THE WAY ME AND HiM WERE TALKiNG SO i HAD TO iNFORM HER]] BUT SHE TOLD ME i KNEW HE WAS GOiNG TO KiSS YOU... WE CAME BACK TO THE SCHOOL AND HE WAS WAiTiNG FOR ME... WE SAT DOWN TOGETHER AND HE GAVE ME HiS NUMBER SO i CAN CALL HiM... HE KiSSED ME AGAiN AND i TOLD HiM SO i WAS THE SPECiAL GiRL HUH THATS WHY YOU DiDNT WANT TO TELL ME??? ALL HE DiD WAS SMiLE AND SAY i WAS HOPiNG YOU CAUGHT ON... BEFORE WE KNEW iT, iT WAS TiME TO GO HOME...HE GAVE ME A TiGHT HUG AND KiSSED ME AGAiN... i WENT HOME AND TOLD MY BROTHER EVERYTHiNG... HE WAS CONFUSED BECAUSE HE KNEW EVERYTHiNG ABOUT HiM AND HE DiDNT TELL HiM THAT HE LiKED ME.... THE NEXT DAY i CALLED HiM BECAUSE iT WAS HiS BiRTHDAY AND WE TALKED FOR 6 HOURS... HE TOLD ME THAT ONE OF HiS EX GiRLFRiENDS DiED AND i REMiND HiM OF HER... HE SAiD THE WAY i LAUGHED, SMiLED, TALKED REMiNDED HiM OF HER... i TOLD HiM THAT i WASNT HER... AND iM DiFFERENT...WE KEPT TALKiNG FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND HE TOLD ME iF i LiKED HiM AND SiNCE i DONT LiE ABOUT ANYTHiNG i TOLD HiM YEA THAT i LiKED HiM FOR THE LONGEST... HE TOLD ME HE KNEW iT HE JUST WANTED TO HEAR ME SAY iT... HE WENT TO SUMMER SCHOOL WiTH MY LiTTLE SiSTER AND WE MADE UP A PLAN TO WRiTE LETTERS TO EACH OTHER SO NO ONE KNEW WE WERE TALKiNG... i TOLD MY BROTHER THAT i WAS FALLiNG iN LOVE WiTH HiM AND MY BROTHER SAiD THAT EVERYTHiNG HAPPENS FOR A REASON... WE WROTE ABOUT HOW WE FELT ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THE THiRD LETTER HE TOLD ME HE WAS iN LOVE WiTH ME AND HE COULDNT STAND THE FACT THAT WE WERENT TOGETHER...i WAS SO SHOCKED BECAUSE i REALLY LiKED THiS GUY AND HE WAS iN LOVE WiTH ME...iT WAS LiKE A DREAM COME TRUE...HE STARTED CALLiNG THE HOUSE EVEN MORE AFTER i TOLD HiM THAT i LOVED HiM TOO...A FEW DAYS LATER MY 16TH BiRTHDAY WAS COMiNG UP AND HE TALKED TO MY STEP DAD AND HE LET HiM SPEND THE NiGHT...AS LiTTLE AS MY STEP DAD KNEW HE DiDNT LiKE ME AND HE WAS COMiNG OVER TO SEE MY BROTHER... THE WHOLE DAY i WAS WORKiNG i THOUGHT ABOUT PiCKiNG HiM UP FROM SUMMER SCHOOL... WEN WE WENT TO PiCK HiM UP HiS FACE WAS LiTEN UP BY A GLOW... i WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE HiM...i HAD BUTTERFLiES LiKE CRAZY... HE DiDNT KNOW THAT MY BROTHER KNEW WAT WAS GOiNG ON..SO HE TRiED TO PLAY iT SAFE... WE WERE iN THE LiViNG ROOM AND HE DEDiCATED A SONG TO ME [[TOBY MAC- MADE TO LOVE]] i WAS SO HAPPY i HAD MY BiRTHDAY WiSH COME TRUE...THAT NiGHT WAS WHEN EVERYTHiNG STARTED TO HAPPEN... HE KiSSED ME LiKE CRAZY AND TOLD ME HE LOVED ME TO MY FACE... i CRiED BECAUSE WE WERENT TOGETHER.. HE WAS STiLL WiTH HiS GiRLFRiEND... BUT i iGNORED THE FACT AND LiVED ON...TWO WEEKS LATER HE CAME OVER AGAiN BUT THiS TiME AT NiGHT i WAS LAYiNG DOWN LiSTENiNG TO MY MP3 AND THE SONG [[JOURNEY- OPEN ARMS]] CAME ON AND HE CAME iN THE ROOM AND LAYED NEXT TO ME... HE PUT HiS ARM AROUND ME AND KiSSED ME ON MY FOREHEAD... HE TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME AND THAT HE WOULDNT LET NO ONE HURT ME... THEN HE STARTED PLAYiNG WiTH MY HAiR AND TOLD ME THAT HE WANTED TO BE WiTH ME AND ONLY ME.. i FELT SO SPECiAL i THOUGHT iT WAS ACTUALLY GOiNG TO WORK...BUT TWO DAYS LATER HE CALLED AND TOLD ME THAT HE DiDNT LOVE ME THE WAY HE SAiD HE DiD AND THAT HE DiDNT EVEN WANT TO BE FRiENDS WiTH ME ANYMORE... ONCE THOSE WORDS HiT MY HEAD i WENT CRAZY... i STARTED TO CUT MYSELF, NOT EATiNG RiGHT FOR LiKE 2 WEEKS, AND i DiDNT GiVE A DAMN ABOUT PEOPLE AND AFFECTiON FOR ME... i DiDNT WANT TO LET ANY GUY iN MY HEART AGiAN....EVENTUALLY i GOT OVER iT, i TRiED TO MOVE ON BUT i GOT CURiOUS ON HOW HE WAS DOiNG SO i WENT TO HiS MYSPACE AND iT SAiD DAT HE WAS iN LOVE WiT HiS CHiCK AND FUNNY THiNG iS..iS WHEN HE TOLD ME HE DiDNT LOVE ME...HE LEFT TO NEW YORK WiTH HER... AND EVEN FUNNiER THE GiRL HE TOLD ME THAT DiED iS THE SAME ONE HES WiTH... i HAVENT TALKED TO HiM UNTiL HE CALLED ME ON VALENTiNES....HE WANTS ME BACK.... BUT FUCK HiM i DONT LOVE HiM NO MORE...MY HEART BELONGS TO SOMEONE BETTER NOW AND HE ALREADY FUCKED UP HiS CHANCE WiTH ME....
everything i love about you:
i love the way you love me.
i love the way you care.
i love you just being you.
i love you personality.
i love your heart and soul.
i love the loving looks you give me.
i love the way you are.
i love the way you do things.
i love the way you walk and talk.
i love your smile.
i love your eyes.
i love your hair.
i love your hands.
i love your being.
i love your voice.
i love your laugh.
i love your touch.
i love your smell.
i love you sense of humor.
i love the freckles on your arms.
i love the way you get goosebumps,
when i tickle your neck.
i love the birthmark on your neck.
i love everything about you.
there is nothing on you
or in you i dont love.
i love it all,every hair,freckle,
everything.
theres no part of you i dont adore.
i just love you,
always.
I want to know your plans & how involved in them I am, because your thoughts seem to give me hope in all.
I want in your head so that I can soar my way to your heart.
Though falling in love could be the worst thing, but we can re-write it all. I be your tink, you my pan. We could have the ending we both want.
Because with you I can see myself soaring into the dream with time planned ahead for the sunrise.
One boy and One girl, with a blastful past walk down the beach, timid toward one another after a long time of distance between the two. The boy stops and sits in the sand, the sun beating down on him, he removes his shirt. Leaving the girl breathless as she stands and cant help but gawk at his defined abs and chest, connecting to his strong arms. She realizes that hes looking back at her now and she sits too quickly for her own good, though the boy knows, but hes a good sport and allows her to think that she pulled it off alright. They sit there not really too sure of what to do, both will look around and then back to one another but don't dare to let their eyes meet. The girl hasn't been to the beach at all before, so shes picking up sand in her hands, to stop from looking at him. He notices this and takes his chance to stare at her, look at the way she moves, how she looks at the sand and lets it fall from between her fingers.
The boy then begins to dig with his hands next to her. She stops at this abruptness of movement, to stare as his body works, muscles flaring and working as he moves loads of sand from the hole to a pile, building up next to it all. She sees this as an opportunity to show him how she is, helpful and not too girly. So shes looks for something to gather the sand up in, so that the hole doesn't come tumbling down. It's then she spots a bucket about 20 yards off from them, so she rushes to grab the bucket and runs back to him. Noticing where the boy sat kneeling, she was sure to fall close to him as he works. She fell beside him, with shoulders and legs touching side by side, they both work in silence with smiles on their face for a minute that they're kneeling next to one another. As he pulls the sand from the increasingly growing hole and she scoops it all into her bucket, the bucket filled faster than she'd thought, so she looks and sees that they're not too far from the shore, she runs up next to the water and dumps the sand and runs back to the boy still kneeling and panting from the work hes doing. She begins to sweat and removes her tank top, showing off her bikini top that she knew made her look grown. She drops back down again beside the boy and starts again to pile the sand into her bucket. The next time her bucket fills the boy for the first time realizes the girl is only wearing her top of a red bikini, that he noticed went flawlessly against her skin, shining or almost glowing in the sun above them. He watches now as her hips twist with a natural flow, as she tip toes through the sand, walking back toward him, with an empty bucket he notices. So he feverishly starts digging hard into the dirty sand, creating a pile faster so that he can maybe again get the chance to watch her walk. But instead she drops the bucket next to him and plops childishly in the sand and lies back, letting the sun soak up any chill she might of had from the water off the shore. The boy stops to sit and look at her trying to figure out his next move, but he cant think straight because of how radiant she looks.
Lost in thought he realizes that he's been looking at her for about 5 minutes straight, he crawls over next to her and lays on his stomach with just enough room between him and her to where they're not touching. The girl turns her head to look at the boy laying next to her and the sun blinds her view and she squints, he puts his hand up over her eyes and laughs. She smiles, they then both sit up and ask one another what they should do next? They both look around the beach and see the bucket and pile of sand and look at one another and laugh, the boy stands up grabs the girl's hand and leads her to the pile of sand closer to the shore. They sit together and start a sand castle. They both reach for the bucket at the same time, both remove their hands and the bucket drops, she blushes and giggles he smiles and hands her the bucket, making sure his hand touches her's. They both hold on to the bucket and each ether's hand, gently and begin to scrap up some sand and water, plant it into the ground and wait a few seconds to pull up the bucket to see standing, the beginning of their castle.
~this def. needs editing, i wrote this awhile ago~
i always wished i could fly
i close my eyes and imagine myself flying
in a blue cloudless sky
i see my soul pure,white and clean like an angel
i'm so light like a feather
in a long white dress with a restful face
but the sky i'm flying in is not in this world
it's in my own world,my own fantasy world
it's a beautiful place,you could never find anything like it
it's so magical,it makes you wanna cry
it takes your breath away,and shocks your soul
you can do anything you want!
you can be anything you want!
it's flawless,it's perfect
you can be with the one you love
you can laugh,cry,smile,scream
you could live a life in my fantasy world
where you don't have to work or think or care
i feel myself alive in my world
i just close my eyes and travel there
i can make it night or day or any time i want
i can dance on the clouds to the moon while the stars are playing a beautiful music
i can swim to the depth of the sea and make friends with sharks!
or i can climb to the highest of the mountains and not break a sweat
i can sleep with the most dangerous creatures in the world and they wouldn't hurt me
i can even make my own creatures
i can make myself a child again or a grown woman or an old lady
i can be anyone i want
i can be anywhere right now
you'll never know
anything to escape reality
that horrible place
reality is not a word i understand anymore
what makes it real anyway?you can't believe anyone!
it's all lies,you can just call it lie world
but i don't like it and i don't want to be a part of it
i love my land,my world
it's easy to create
just lose your soul,yourself in your mind
and you'll experience the most beautiful magical journey of your life
and you just wish you could feel it just like you can feel the pain stabbing your heart like a knife
but in the meantime
i'll get enough of all my fantasy world
blood fills the faces of my fantasies
no morcy,you're trying to put me down
i can see clearly as you're taking a swing at me
come and i'll push you to the ground
what are you doing? what do you think this is doing to me?
you're taking all my faith
what are you leaving me now?!
i will make you suffer just like you made me suffer
i will watch you screaming and begging for forgiveness
all my hate can not be bound
i will not be bound by your darkest demons
so try to take my life and put me to the ground
i will follow you and torture you and i'll watch you screaming
look at the bloody faces smiling at you,taking you down and making you drown
i wanna kill you the same way you killed me
leaving me thoughtless
you can try to tell me that i'm worthless
but you can not break me down
gonna take you down
because nothing in this world is going to save me
On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life flashing before my eyes
Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare
I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
On this bed I lay
Losing everything
I can see my life passing me by
Was it all too much
Or just not enough
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare
I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I will not die, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
My project thing...I need this link...for my work.
Things with me and my girlfriend are good, really good. I completely trust her and respect her. we are completely in love and are so happy. My goal is too help each other develop into greater selves. To have a life together a life apart, and to grow mentally, physically, and spiritually. Had a little issue this week. I got a little jealous, told her about my concern, here's what she does: She looks me in the eye, grabs me, and in a focused powerful honest way tells me how much she loves me and wants me alone. Bam, problem over, instantly. I just needed a little reassurance. The problem was immediately addressed and evaporated, we actually became closer.
I used to have lots of problems with the old girlfriend talking about lots of things. She was obtuse, passive agressive, not completely honest. I sensed these things and had problems with her discussing things in circles that she could not state outright. She was a backpeddler. A different level of moral character existed in each of us and there was no fixing it. There were problems from the start and they continued for 5 years until I broke it off. My theory was there was better. Don't get me wrong. Things weren't terrible, they were actually "pretty good" most of the time. Something in me said there was better out there for me though.
So now I've been with the new girlfriend almost a year and we hardly ever have disagreements about anything. So did I change? Did I become so much more aggreeable, less jealous, less picky? I don't think so. I found someone who understands me. I found someone whom a share similar values with who is honest and straight forward. The problems of the past no longer exist.
See in the past I didn't know any better, I didn't know this type of relationship could exist. It was like I was in a fog, had no bearings, I had not experienced the depth of connection, honestly, and shared values that I have with my present girlfriend. I just thought that was the way life was. Now I know better. I know that one of the things I've learned in life is to set the bar higher about wanting more, expecting more, demanding more of the person you are with. I also beleive this happens effortlessly when you have the right one. I know to want more ,demand more, and expect more of my old girlfriend was futile. It was not making things better. She was who she was and we were not a great match.
My theory that better was out there has proven correct. I have found the love of my life. My heart is full. I look forward to our lives together.
Angel angel you don't love me
and how you ask did I finally see
we had soemthing, something we could be
and now Without eyes I finally see
cleary
you never did love me.
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this is sad, but its so real.... thank you ^ ^
yeah cool
