As the moon beams tonight,
I am thinking different words to write.
Pardon me for the title and the rest,
I swear I did try my very best.
Thinking about our story,
For in my life love happens very rarely
Of all that we've been through the past days.
I really didn't expect it would be like this.
I hope you take good care of yourself always.
Be healthy and maintain your lovely face.
Continue to achieve your goals and aspirations.
Get some rest and a deserving inspiration.
Even if we are a thousand miles apart,
Forever shall I hold you in my heart.
If we really are for each other,
Let serendipity judge the limit of our sweet forever.
I am very thankful that I've met you and your smile,
It brightened up my life even just for a while.
And I know our bond cannot be cut even by the sharpest knife,
This vow, I will remember you for the rest of my life.

why am i here?
am i here for you.
do i have a purpose?
is it to keep you safe.
do i have a meaning?
it makes no difference.
im useless,
and everyone knows that.
because they all tell me.
slamming doors,
screaming words.
i hear this all the time.
nothing ever pleasant.
the only pleasant thing i hear or ever feel,
is you.
i hear you say,i love you.
those sweet words,
mean everything to me.
i feel you touch my fragile skin.
its the gentle caring touch,
i long for.
after feeling nothing but alone
and scared,i miss you.
youre not always here
to protect me of what i fear.
him.
i need you more than ever
when he does this.
i need you,
and i need your protection.
and i only want your love
and caring for me.
i need you here with me.
i cry and i whisper to you
each and everytime.
asking for you to protect me,
to feel you arms wrap
around me,
telling me you love me.
i cannot defend myself
against him.
hes strong,hes hateful,
and hes drunk.
he remembers none of it.
but i sure do.
i remember everytime,
every word,
every scream.
i remember how he hates me.
how he treats me.
i want to go away,
i have no purpose,
no meaning.
i might as well have no name.
so kill me now,
hide my lifeless body.
get away with murder and
your life goes on.
i only wish,
it were that easy.

why wont i just die yet?
i have nothing to live for.
i only get tortured.
i get screamed at and
accused for so many things
i never did.
no one believes me,
and no one cares.
they never listen.
im just left hurt in the end.
crying like a little bitch.
them all laughing at me,
and kicking me while im down.
but i still remain strong,
on the outside.
pretend i dont care.
ignore the terrible screams
of painful words.
i keep my head held high....no.
i walk with a slump.
i am depressed.
the one person who puts
me down and tears me apart
from the inside out.
he yells and swings at me,
but never hits me.
alcohol stains his breath.
it makes me high,
just inhaling the smell of it.
he tells me to leave forever.
i wish i could,
but where am i to go?
i have nowhere else,
but a hell hole.
and thats here.
no one understands how i feel,
neevr understanding my pain.
but how could they?
though i tell them,
nothing they can say.
im so miserable,
so unhappy.
always so hurt.
even she takes the bad mans side.
she yells at me,
accusing me of shit.
shit i never did.
he calls me names,
tells me to leave.
he tells me im gone,useless.
he emotionally scars me,
everytime.
and she doesnt even care.
shes on the bad mans side.
and i have to live with him,them.
i ahte it.
i hate it all.
i only wish it would end,
or i could die,
and be gone forever.

if all i do is make you
feel like shit,
dont tell me i make
you happier than anything.
dont smile and tell
me you love me.
when you fight
yourself to not kill me.
dont hold me close to you,when you laugh at my stupid tears.
dont tell me its ok.
when you dont care
and dont want to fix it.
dont carry me,
if you plan to drop me.
you drop me faster
than anything if it were,
i die and youd live.
you wouldnt care enough
to save me.
dont pretend this means
everything to you,
when it actually means nothing.
i hate how you do this.
how you fool yourself.
how you pretend.
i hate how you lie.
i try to hate you,
but i cant.
and you know that too.
you know how i work.
you know what ill do.
so dont pretend anymore.
you have all you plans
played out.
dont pretend you dont just
want me for what i have,
because you do.
it makes you happier to touch me,
than the little things i do.
simple things.
thats what makes me smile.
the little thing you
used to do for me.
at times
you can bo so sweet,
so caring.
but something goes wrong,
you change.
dont tell me its my fault,
when its yours as well.
dont pretend.
dont lie.
dont hate.
i feel like i need you,
but i dont.
so please just dont.
dont do thin to me anymore.

if i had the choice
to save you and it meant
that id die in the preocess,
i would save you.
i wouldnt watch you die.
i couldnt.
after all the things
youve dont to me.
the things you
put me through.
id take my last breath,
saving you.
my last heart beat,
be for you.
my last blink,last tear
id cry for you
while saving you.
it would all be for you.
id save you faster than
i would myself.
im willing to do anything in this world for you.
you wouldnt want it.
but with the lastt breath i draw,
infront of you,
youd hear me say"i love you"
even if it meant nothing
at all to you,
in any way. id tell you.
id want you to know that.
that i still love you.
and that id keep
loving you,
always.
even if you hated me.
wanted nothing to do with me.
i do.
i still love you.

you make me smile.
you always make me
happy and laugh.
you make me how i am.
you care for me.
you love me.
and i know that i am
special to you.
i am your evrything and
you are my anything.
i love you to no end.
you make me feel so special.
so important.
you make me feel like i am something.
like i can do anything.
but you also make me cry.
you make me hurt myself.
you bring out the hatred
in my eyes,that people fear.
you make my tears flow.
you put me down.
you make me feel like im nothing again.
you make me feel small.
you fed me lies,
that i believed so many times.
you broke my heart,
and fixed it up over and over.
you make me so crazy.
you make me insane.
you crash my happiness.
you took my smile.
and you stole me.
you took everything from me.
but i let you.
i gave you love.
i gave you my trust.
i gave you my whole heart.
you took it,
and made me hurt.
you made me miserable.
you make me love you,
when i dont want to.
you make me come back to you.
i cant even forget...if i wanted.
you make me remember.
remember all the bad times.
bad phone calls.
yelling.crying.
if this is all we are,
its just best if we arent together.
better,
if we never were.

its 3:00 in the morning.
i hear you caugh
from the bathroom.
i look at you.
your bloodshot eyes,
with a straw to your nose.
you look up but say nothing as i leave.
is this what has happened to us?
drugs and misery.
is this what you have done to yourself?
destroying your body.
i try to get you to stop,
but just wont listen.
you dont even hide it anymore.
you usesd to be secretive
about it.
but i see.
i see your pills,
the powder,the weed.
ive seen it all.
and youre destroying us,
in the process of this.
the trust i had for you,
faded.
the love i have for you,
it weakens.
i wish you never did these things.
they come between us,
and are more important to you than i am.
i miss the old you.
carefree,sweet,so loving.
but the drugs made you different.
you changed.
you drink your pain and sorrows away.
you drink until youre numb.
til youre even numb of me.
but you once said to me,
that you would try to quit.
look at you now....
months later,
your even worse.
you have no time for me.
but make way for your drugs.
it hurts me to see you like this.
i love you so much,
but you do these things.
i cant leave you like this.
youll end up killing yourself.
and i cant let that happen.
i just cant,
but i dont know why i just dont leave you anyway.

if i stay,will it matter?
will it matter,
what my choice becomes?
if i stay,
are you going to keep
your promises or the things
you say youll do?
i dont know.
im on the border line of just leaving.
i dont want to,
but i feel i have to.
to make you realize something.
to realize that everything,
is not always fun and games.
like me.
im no toy to a game.
im a girl.
a girl who needs love.
which now,is your love
and i need it.
do i have it?
you say i do,
but i dont feel it.
you say you love me,
but it doesnt feel like you do.
empty words they are,
floating in the air.
those words have no meaning
behind them.
and if i stay,
will i be given your love,
and you really mean it?
but if i  choose to leave,
would you came after me,
and lesson be learnes.
that you realized
i was never a game.
i was never bad,
but so much more that that.
i was important to you.
that i was something you wanted,
and more than anything else.
and that youll try for me.
or will it again,
make no difference.
you wont notice until you
sleep in your empty bed alone.
you wonder where i went,
but dont care to look.
you wonder what happend,
but dont care to finr out.
i want you to care.
i want you to care so much,
but icant change you.
if i leave,
i want you to come after me
and say youll do better.
i want you to try.
but i dont know what youll do.
i never know.

ttrees sway and grass flutters dry
in the cool summer breeze.
i look upon the gloomy grey sky,
as i lay onthe grass.
only the sky wasnt ugly
to me,but peaceful.
i lay here,
thinking of only you.
memories i remember.
i look into the sky,
and i see them all rushing back to me.
i feel the light breeze blanket my face,
as i close my eyes taking it in.
of a sudden, you.
you are my sky.
you are hovering over me.
you lie next to me,
and i feel your warmth
creep on me giving me goosebumps,
to feel your breath in my ear.
i never knew,
how much i longed for youe lips on mine.
until now.
i fely your soft lips moving
sweetly and effortlessly
as mine did with yours.
i didnt know,
how much i wanted to be
touched by you.
until this very moment.
your hand on my arm,
on my face,
caressing it down my neck.
your gentle touch,
always feels so good on my skin.
your lingering smell,
makes me crazy.
your hair moving in the
winds light summer breeze,
your eyes locking with mine.
i feel them stare into me.
this is the moment,
i wish would last forever.
being with you,in your arms,
intertwining mt fingers in yours.
i love this moment.
my heart skiped a beat.
i feel all i have for you.
and i feel,
how you feel for me.
i know that you care.
laying in the dry grass,
the light breeze flows heavier,
as it starts to rain.
i look into yours eyes.
light green they are,
and they speak of what
youre thinking.
i know you love me.
i whispered,i love you,
to you as you said it back.
i only wish this could go on,
and last forever.

you tore my heart out,
a million times.
and again fixed up
all the little pieces.
but that was never enough.
and it never will be.
the first time my heart broke,
it felt like the end
of the world.
then you made the pain fade.
but it was still within me,
and waiting to fill the tear.
and that first time,
i was never the same.
i never loved right.
i never trusted quite the same.
when my heart breaks,
i feel it.
each piece breaking off
so slowly and painfully.
its not the end of this world,
but its the very
end of mine.
everything falls away,
leaving nothing,but me..broken.
and me waiting for someone
to build up my world agian.
and love me.
and finally make me happy again.
until they break me.
and leave me there in pain,
 once more.
they want nothing to do with me anymore.
everyone that i learn to trust and love,
and become happy with,
all leave me.
and i never know why.
but i keep thinking,
that its them
its their fault.
they are the ones who dont want me.
but i know,
the real answer.
its me.
it always has been.
i shut down,becaise my
heart is broken
and i am afrain to open up.
i have fully given up on love.
and it,love,is always going
to be something that i will
never understand.

i have a million questions,
for just you.
and i only wish youd
answer this one,
do you really love me?
i want to know.
because you dont even
act like you do.
you act like you hate my being,
every cell,
every fiber in me.
is there something
wrong with me?
i ask myself that same
question
over and over everyday.
nothing i can think of,
because i never did anything wrong.
it seems like youre
trying to drive me away.
you look at other girls.
you never talk to me,
but talk to her.
you never look at me.
i think i hate you.
but that,
i know is not true.
it could never be.
even though,
you might hate me
i dont hate you.
i love you.
but the loathesome looks
you shoot at me.
the hurtful words that sting my heart.
i just dont know
if you even love me anymore.
i wish i could ask you my m,illion questions,
but i know you wouldnt listen,
i know you wont care,
and i know you wont answer.
but i need to know.
all i need to know for now,
is if you even want me.

Even though we are no longer together.
And I no longer consider you as my lover.
My feelings mixed and mind confused.
My body feels misused and abused.
I can't let you go even though I want to.
My thoughts are always consumed with you.
I try to move on but always lose interest.
Because of the feelings that I can't put to rest.
How can I still want you after what you did.
Why is your voice still ringing in my head.
Will I ever be able to forget.
All the time together we spent.
I just want these feelings to go away.
Somehow I know that forever in my heart they'll stay.
Even though I pretend that nothing is wrong and hide behind a smile.
Inside I am crying like a newborn child.
When I am alone sometimes I call out your name.
But the response I get is always the same.
A response filled with silence that adds to my pain.
All I really want is for you to love me again.
Maybe I am just to dumb or too blind to see.
That you will forever be still hurting me

Mason and I went out awhile back.
It didn't work .I really don't know why.
Our dream was out of whack,
Went spinning off, and so we let it die.
Mason and I are back together
He’s seamed to have changed, and now  he seams to want me
I can't explain the happiness I find from the fact that he wants me again
Mason smiles at me and something makes me glow.
The deeper I fall for him again. The less I see that he would have 4ever hurt me when in not with him i miss him etenaly.

since i was a little girl you've been in my life
staring at you from a distance almost everyday of my life
fate made us meet more than i can imagine
but we never took a chance and i don't know why
dreaming of you nearly every night that i could remember
my notebooks were filled with love words and your name right next to them
all my life i've been  imagining the day that you come to me and tell me you love me
that you think i'm the most beautiful girl you've ever seen in your life
that you want to be only with me and no else
but i always thought that i was stupid for my day dreamings
all my friends knew that i was completely obssessed with you i always thought that i wasn't your type,that i was too much of a loner to even get near you
but one day i couldn't believe it and almost fainted when you came to me and kissed me so passionatly and told me that you were deeply in love with me feels like i can't describe
how many times have i walked right in front of you and you never noticed me
and left my heart aching inside?
how many times have you seen me while you were too blind ?
i can't believe that looking at today knowing that you will love me everyday of my life
you gave me the only wish i dreamed of for so long
you gave me the hope that i thought was dead
you brought me out of my shell and you changed the way i think of this world
you are my light and my heart and the air i breathe
i know this may sound like a clichy and that's i thought myself before you kissed me
i never knew love but i know you and thanks to you i know myself too
i will always stick by you because you are my wish and you are my dream
you are my gift

i write until the day you're no longer my first and last thought
i write until i forget how much i need you
i write until my heart stops beating for you
i write until i forget how much it hurts loving you
i write until i find the reason to move on
i write until i realize that you're not the reason of my existence
i write until i accept that we don't belong to each other
i write until the day you're no longer the 'because' of my every 'why'

i write until i become numb of the pain that glued in my heart since the day you went away. i write until it hurts no more =(

Dear Rick P. Frederick,
I love you so much. People say that at my age, I don't really know what love is. Well, then maybe there's another explanation for the way I feel about you. How every second I am away from you seems like an eternity. How every time I try to think of something else, I can only think of one thing, and that's you. How every time I see you, I smile more and more, and how I'm so happy I could cry. How every time I talk of you to others I feel like a giddy little kid with a secret to tell. How every time I speak, I want to tell someone how wonderful you are. How the times I'm most happy are when I am with you and I miss you the most right after I leave your side. Maybe there is another explanation for this uncontrollable feeling inside of me, but right now, I'll hold the thought that I love you inside my heart forever.

falling right in your arms smelling your scent and it's making me sleepy because i can't believe you caught me
i've been dreaming of you for so long and it almost feels like you're not even real
kiss me to know that you're there watching me ever so closely
i feel like i've died and went to heaven because you're with me looking at me with those beautiful eyes
can you really tell that i love you!?
can you feel my knees getting weak everytime you look at me right in the eyes
i want you to hold me tightly and never let go
don't leave or i'll die!
because your heart and mine are attached together with a rope and if you go it'll get cut and i'll die!
i want you to miss me when i'm not around
i want you to feel empty when i'm absent
i want you to love me tonight like there's no tomorrow
i want you to make feel like i'm the most beautiful girl in the world
touch me so gently like i'm about to break
i promise that i'm only yours
i promise that i was made only for you
i promise that my life will always and only be dedicated to you
no weapon or disease can kill me because i promise that i'll die only for you
only for you my darling!
i needed you before and i need you now and i will always need you my love!
you're the one who brought me to life when i was sinking in the depth of death
you're the one gave me the kiss of hope when i was dying in despair
you are my everything and together we will die!

 i love

for the incision in heart, maybe;