Love Blog
Love blog - blogging on love, lovestories, sad stories, emo stories.
Category >> Love jokes
Feb 24, 2010
Nov 16, 2009
- What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women" - What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature - How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head - What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up - How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares - How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know... it has never happened - What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum - What's the difference between a man and E.T?
E.T. phoned home - What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack of beer - What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted ! - What did God say after he created man?
I can do better - What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind 2. No business - What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist - Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal?
He bronzed it - How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy and wearable" - Only a man could buy a $400 car and put a $4000 stereo in it
Why did God create man?
He needed to practice- Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost, at least she will ask for directions
Nov 16, 2009
- Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.
- Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without...but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
- My wife and I always compromise; I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
- It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
- They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
- First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
- Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
- Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
- A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
- A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
- Two women friends meet on the street, but they haven't seen each other for years. As they are talking one women notices that her friend has a 5 carat diamond ring, and says "My what a magnificent ring." Her friend relies, "Yes, it is, but unfortunately it comes with a curse. It comes
with my husband!" - Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
- Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
- One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.
- Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
- I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.
- Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
- Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
- If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Oct 6, 2009
A couple has two beautiful daughters. They also want to have a son and so they decide to get a third child.
Sep 16, 2009
Clarence returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he only has 24 hours left to live. Given the prognosis, Clarence asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know now I only have 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, so they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that now he has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course dear" and they make love for the third time.
After, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Clarence, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to just 4 more hours. He gently rouses his wife and asks, "Honey, I have only 4 more hours to live, do you think we could.....?"
At this point his wife sits up and says, "Clarence! I have to get up in the morning... YOU DON'T!"
May 2, 2008
Women Superiority
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxi's stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.
If we're not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost, at least she will ask for directions
It was the start of a new school year. Jamie, a young and attractive lady teacher, was teaching a primary four class. After a few months, she noticed that there was one particular boy Tommy who wasn’t doing well in his class tests.
One day after school, Jamie asked the underperforming boy to stay back so that she could find out more about his difficulties.
Teacher: "Tommy, I noticed you have been doing poorly in your class tests recently. Are you facing any difficulties at home or in school?"
Tommy: "Teacher, I've fallen in love with someone.”
Teacher: "With whom?"
Tommy: "With you."
Teacher: *looks surprised* "But Tommy, you’re only ten years old now. Our age gap is too wide. I don't want a child."
Tommy: "Oh, don't worry Teacher. I know how to use a condom!"
Apr 29, 2008
A husband, wife and their seven-year-old son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I'll have a chocolate cone, and my wife here will have a vanilla."He then slaps his son on the back of the head and says: "What do you want, fat-head?"
The lady behind the counter, shocked, says, "Why did you call him that?"
"I'll tell you why," says the dad. "There's really only three things a man wants in life.
First, he wants a nice big truck. See that nice big truck parked outside? That's mine.
Second, he wants a nice big house. I have one of the biggest houses in town. Third, and most important, he wants a nice tight pussy and I had that too until fat-head here came along."
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