Love Blog

   He broke my heart,into a thousand tiny pieces.the glass shards shine in the light of my sorrow,as a single crystal tear falls to the floor.and now it bleed in sheer agony.
   all of those lies he fed me,all the fake acts of kindness....it makes everything worse.ive never hurt this much before,because this was the one and only time ive ever let anyone in.i thought he could help the empty void,help warm the ice that covered my heart.I gave him everything;my heart,my soul.and he gave me nothing but despair and tragedy.i existed only to be used by him.i was a new toy that he could show off to his friends to make him look good.he thought of me as nothing more than that.he just walks on the glass shards as though they arent even there.it doesnt bother him.but when i step on them,it stings and cuts deep into my fragile,paper-thin skin.
   he doesnt care if im gone,because hes done with me and throws me away,like the toy he thinks i am.because all my glitter and sheen has dimmed and faded into the bleak darkness.right now,im invisible in the darkness.darkness that seems to draw closer and closer to with every breath i take.it suffocates me with its quiet lonliness.how can you live when you cant even breathe?i thought he was the air i needed to stay alive.now that hes gone,how am i supposed to live?
   love is supposed to be sweet,kind,and full of happiness.but,i thought to myself,this isnt love.i wasnt real to him,just plastic.i thought he was mine to hold when i was scared or nervous.but i was terriblt wrong.i now feel the empty void again,and it hurts.no one should have to live through this.ever.i dont know why he hurt me,it doesnt make any sense.
   now the shards lay on the floor with my tears making them wet.my bleeding heart colors them a deep red,while i watch with a blank,motionless stare.all i can do is watch,nothing more,the sorrow,blood,and glass surrounds me,leaving me trapped.im in a transfixed state of mind,while i try to wrap my head around the concept of emptuiness.my head ponders over lost concealed thoughts of everything that went wrong.I dont know what else there is to do but lay here on the glassy,bloody floor and wait for death to creep over me.
   life is difficult.hard to understand,to go through,to handle.in other words,it sucks.i wish none of this had ever happened,but i cant go back in time.ive loved and lost,now the only things left to do is die.

broken promises lead to tempting lies,
and ead each one is buried behind your eyes.
longing hearts you have deprived,
calling out in desperate cries.
sit and watch my bleeding heart,
feel my life fall apart.
talk to the shadows on the wall,
knowing that ive lost it all.
listen to the voices inside my head,
understanding every word theyve said.
telling me that im insane,
and youre the only one to blame.
the only word i hear is suicide,
thinking its the best way to die.
looking around i finally see,
death is not the one for me.
to suffer like this would be best,
and let insanity take over all the rest.

when i just have been through the worse in my life
my eyes turn black,my skin turns white
i'll be like a ghost
life has been sucked right from me
i feel my skin tearing apart like it's going to shred
i'm shaking and lonely and cold
but it's funny that my only savior is just a little sharp metal thing
just a small razor can heal me that much?!
better than anybody i have ever known
i slide my left arm just a little as a start and i feel like i need more and more and more...
until i can not get enough
but then i feel so good,almost satisfied
watching my blood spilling on the floor,drop after drop very slowly
that's just the hottest painful pleasure i have ever experienced
i feel so unbalanced,so numb
i don't know if i need someone to touch me or to shoot me to know that i'm still alive
but i know i won't stop
i'll cut myself and fuck the wound
 i'll lick my blood for all my pain

i walk up to this dead tree but in a way there there is life to this tree i sat under the tree and i see a family of foxes then the sad part of this is that this tree reminds me of me there is a part of me that has died and i have tryed to find it . im like this tree there is life to me but i feel so cold and dead .
im lost in this world that is so cold im asking me where is the light

she's that dangerous kind
she only wears black with her long dark hair and her light brown eyes
she loves the sight of blood
her ultimate pleasure is seeing people suffer from pain
hearing them scream and beg makes her moan
she killes with one look of her eye
she makes men drop at her feet
heartless,thoughless
she's a demon witch
she looks like a human,but she's nothing like a human
you can tell she's different
you can tell that she's got something special about her
the way she plays with her tongue,touch her skin
the way she chooses one,there's must be something about him she can't figure out
and she has to know any way it takes her before she kills him
she'll take him an easy victim and push him on the bed
she'll roll over him and take off his shirt
then she'll whisper into his ears her famous seductive words:
"close your eyes and picture me,then you'll feel my lips touching yours and an overwhelming heat of me taking you straight  to hell"
the pleasure she gives,no woman can deliver
she's a queen of all the damned
she never gets enough and she can't be tamed
she's a wild creature,you can't hold inside what she's got
the feelings she has will make your brain go insane
all the twisted pervert thoughts in such a pretty little thing
don't try to stay in her way,don't try to change her
she can't be changed,just like you can't change the sky
she's not looking for who can fix her
she's looking for whose exactly like her
but she's one of a kind

One day I will lose my mind completely. It is inevitable. I fear it, run from it, and strangely find it comforting in knowing that I can finally find peace.  Before that day comes, I hope to be able to release my memories, my sorrows, and my betrayals. I am not a writer...just a random spewing of thoughts and confessions to throw out into the universe. This is what I found on my quest for love that turned me into a liar, cheater, and searcher for redemption before I lose my mind completely.

as i sit on my bed and all i can think about you
i know that your not coming back to me i was
stupied to let you in to my heart and now its
rip out of my chest and now its beside me 

bleeding this is it im done with love 

im always getting hurt
well this is good by i want you to be happy
when im dead i will be waching you from above
i will always be your fallen emo angel
my sweety
you where my life and my everything
i guess this is goodby for good 

i see what you've done.
i see the hell you put my heart through.
i see what kind of man you are.
i see the hate in your eyes.
i see you.
but do you see me?
do you see the pain reflect from my eyes?
the tears stream down my face?
no.no you dont.
your so caught up with yourself that nothing else matters.
youve toyed with my feelings,my emotions.
and you dont even care.
youve used me more than once now and im sick of it!
im sick of your smile,your lies,your laugh,your face!
im sick of you getting inside of my head!
i see what kind of man you are.
dont forget.
im the best damn thing that you ever had.

death is not cold i feel like im dead but i know that im not i feel nothing ....im lost i need to be saved from my self i have not seen the light im a trap sprit in this life people ask what happen i call out for help but no
one anwers i ask my self why im i still here what happen to me  now im in the conner thinking why im i still alive im alone but i see him the one that makes me feel like myself he picks me up and wishpers *your in my arms im here
to save you my fallen emo angel*
then for the time in a long time i smiled and then i knew i was saved

here i sit alone im thinking about how you used to hold me now i see you with your new gf and im sitting in the conner thinking what did i do to have you leave me it feels like you rip out my heart and stab it as i walk home i walk by you guys and i heard that you told her the same thing you told me thats when it hit me i need to go away and disaper it would be better off why did i let you take me heart that is it im done with you and this life i need to have someone that understands me

Peace.
this is what i only want.
to find my peace.
to end this hell i live.
the life i have.
if only i could be well again
things might be ok.
but a broken heart,
comes by hard to fix.
its just like a broken mirror:
its better to leave the pieces on th floor
than to hurt youself more,
trying to poece it together.
i could find my peace,
i i end this hell,tonight.
i dream for peace.
i pray for peace.
i ask only for peace.
i look only for peace.
its all i ask,all i want.
i dont want to hurt like this anymore.
no pain,
no suffer,
no hurt,
no heartache.
end it all,the hell, tonight.
gone.
only peace remains.

Darkness

Torn my broken heart

ahhhhh..i just arrived at work...the rooms seems so quiet...the song im playing? hahahaha.,..its i gotta go my own way...SO FREAKIN EMO...well, thats why i decided to come here early coz im not doing anything at home...besides, i wanna continue my story...hahaha...my ganun>?

well, the silence seems eternal...its like it can tear someones hearts out and pop them out of existance..



the moment i started to check his FB account is the moment i started to give in to what i feel...to start on hating the fact that im sad and alone and pathetic and worthless..well, all in all, im nothing merely nothing...im an empty shell of whom i was...my friends told that i should quit it...that i should stop the feelings i have right now..and start to move ona nd forget the essence of sadness...foe even if i try to continue hurting myself, nothing will ever ever change..



well, i know that in time...all wounds of tomorrow and the rest of this unchanging reality will heal and that theres is always a sunshine after the rain(dba kanta un? hahahaha)..but still deep in the confines of my mind, there is always the one certain thought that i would wanna keep for as long as i can..and thats is to have him..keep him..protect him..here in my heart..for he will always have a special place that through hell or high water, im ready to keep him...

well, i cant say anything anymroe coz im starting to cry again..as they say, you should not hold in your hands, for you may not find the strength to let it go, that you should only embrace its warmth and glow and freely open your arms when its time to say goodbye...

and now, im playing this F'kin song...

I Hate This Song – Secondhand Serenade

 

Read More...

hahaha...(T_T)
written by better_off_without_you, January 02, 2010

I dedicate this poem to my friend Dean. Its idea came from her and it's really very touchy. It's about an emo bi who discovered her boyfriend having an affair with somebody else. She loved him so much but she can't take the pain, so she killed herself.

She is alone in her room
Cold and in pain
Palms clutching a blade
Songs getting to her ears
Tears rolling down her chin
As memories came flashing back

A love so sweet and true She has treasured for so long
It was his birthday then
Hence, she planned to visit him
She brought him an electric guitar
With initials you and me
The night was young and the waft so calm
It brushed her heart and soul
Hence to greet him in surprise,
She is expecting.
She went to his house with the guitar in her hands,
Hoping he will like her gift
Then she climbed the stairs and went to his room
Though, there she stood surprised.
Two persons lay stripped on his bed
Thus, having some sweet lovemaking
The gentleman she recognized as him
But the woman was a stranger.
She stood like a rock there on her track
As sore tears fall down from her eyes
She dropped her gift with a thud on the floor
And that made them stop.
She ran from his house and went to her house
And there she locked herself in her room.
Her heart was broken and her soul unspoken
As she cry her weeping heart.
To see him on his bed with another girl-
Not her.
The music kept playing her heartbeats empty tune
As she recalled their once happy days
How they used to be perfect like partners in crime,
Spending and enjoying their times as one.
With every moment like unending sensation
They lived their love’s commitment.
But tonight was diverse, it was all diverse
Since she saw his hush-hush treason.
Now she is here alone in her room
With the music playing her heartbeats empty tune The songs get to her ears,
Her eyes producing tears.
Tonight will be just fine
As she is ready to end her life
No more gloomy and agonizing moments Will ever come her way
The blade pierced her skin
Like the way he pierced her heart
But its okay since she no longer feels the pain.
Tonight she may die
In pace requiescat.