Love Blog

After the miserable nights that I had when Hayden leaved me. I can't believe that my desperate wish will be fulfilled. I had wish that he will come back to me and tell me that he made a mistake that I'm really the one that he really loves not his girlfriend.

It happened one night when I went online, I saw him online but I just ignored him, I busied myself talking to my friends. When all of a sudden he send an instant message to me telling me that he can't stand the idea of us ignoring each other, I replied casually and bitterly, I even sounded sarcastic. Then it came to a point that he told me the reasons why he choose his girlfriend over me, he told me that he loves her more. Is this conversation will lead more on scratching my face on the pain that I felt? That's the question that I've been asking myself. He also told me that he can't accept my past and everything happened before.  What's really the point of this conversation? I don't know. So I asked him if there's anymore reason, he told me there's none. I didn't respond to the message thread anymore. Then he finally told me what he really wanted to say, he's wondering if made the right decision, and then all of a sudden he wants me back. I told him we can't coz he and his girlfriend were still together, he told me that he will going to break up with her. I got confused that time, half of me wants to jump to Hayden and be with him, but half of is thinking that maybe he wants to fool me more that he just wants to make the situation worst and I don't want to get hurt anymore. And what Hayden did is not easy to forgive and forget. I said to him that I'll think about it. That night I don't know what will I feel, I feel hurt, I feel confuse, I feel mad, I feel relief, and I feel happy. I also want to cry.

One week passed I didn't talk to Hayden. I am sorting things in my mind. What do I really want? But everywhere I go there are things that remind me of him. Like I saw his surname with one of the buildings that I saw, when I talked to a friend he just mentioned one of Hayden's favorite food, and music somewhere that makes me remember him. I am also waiting for him to be the first one to talk first. But still, there's nothing came from him. I asked him to call me here on my landline. He did and we talked that time we became official he told me that he and his ex-girlfriend are finally over. I'm so happy that time. He also told me that he should accept the past.

But that's not the end of all things, yes I had him. During our first weeks, I don't feel important to him, he's taking me for granted. Every time I asked him to go with me, there's always a condition like I should treat him. I'm also the one, who's always making an effort I will always call him on his cellular phone just to check on him. I'm spending so much money when in fact he's the one who has a work. Also my dad found out our relationship, I want him to meet my dad so that we became legal and whenever I went out, I don't need to make lies just to be with him. But on the day of their meeting, he didn't show up he just told me that he's going out with his friends. When I called him that night, he even said that they had two friends which are girls with them while drinking at one of our friend's house. Until I had enough, all my friends also advised me to break up with him. So the day after our first monsarry I planned to break-up with him. I told him what I want to say and what I really feel. He just told me that he's not showy and he's used with he's not doing an effort that his girlfriend will always be the one.

If he will not change, I'll just wait for the right guy who will come on my way then I'll break up with Hayden. A week later he became sweet and he always communicate with me without me making an effort, he has a progress somehow. Another week passed, I was surprised to meet his parents at the mall. And he was so sweet with me that I got confused one time when he hugged me while walking at the side walk he told me that he'll going to miss me even though we always see each other every weekend. He also said sorry to me on what he had done in the past. He said that he will change. One time I was amazed that he's the one who told me that he wants to come in our house to meet my dad. So he did. This is really new but I liked it, I feel that I am being loved and he did really care. He's always checking me also if I'm already home.

Even he was moved to night shift, he always make sure to find time for me and I knew it's hard but he always called me on the phone just to hear my voice before he went to work. Every weekend even he's sleepy and tired, he always make time to see me. There was also this one time when his recent ex-girlfriend texted him and wanted to see him at a mall, but he did not, he told her that he's tired and he said that it's not good if he will go with her, that flatters me and made me knew how much Hayden loves me. I knew that he's doing everything for me. And I also knew that he's the right guy for me the one that I have been waiting for a long time, I can tell that even though we're just in our four months. It's because I can feel it and I never loved this much before, it feels like loving someone again for the first time, I can also tell to Hayden that he never loved this way before. He told me that our love was different and he wants to be my future. We did plan our future together already, then we should make it happened. I really want to thank God for giving me Hayden, that he brings the best and worst of me and for making me this happy that I'd never been before. Also he did never abandon me. I hope and pray that this true love I've found will bloom more and became stronger as we faced more challenges in the future, where everyone will see us holding on each other tightly that no one and nothing can break us apart.